Day Time TV Bites
by Banshee Queen
Summary: The Winchester brother’s are left home alone for the day while John goes out on a job. In an attempt to amuse themselves, they decide to watch some ‘Daytime T.V’ but all hell breaks loose once Dean has the remote.
1. Chapter 1

**Author/Banshee Queen: "This is my first Supernatural fanfic so go easy on the reviews, flames, etc etc. This is just a bit of nonsense that popped into my head one day so I thought I'd write it down regardless. I've written up three chapters so far and it'll probably end with four. Also, I'm aware that in the episode where Dean nearly dies of an electric shock, he says something along the lines of "Daytime T.V sucks" -but I had a mind to change it so here it is.**

**Disclaimer: "I don't own the Supernatural characters Sam & Dean Winchester...but if I did... _(growls suggestively)_ -oh that'd just be heaven now wouldn't it?"**

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**Day Time T.V Bites**

**Chapter 1: What Do We Do Now?**

"Change the channel." Whined Dean from his spot on the couch.

The younger Winchester unconsciously rolled his eyes for the billionth time that day. John had ran into the kitchen earlier that morning muttering over the fact that he couldn't find the keys to the Impala and had misplaced his cell. Dean, although at times acting as if he wasn't _all there_, had immediately looked up from the newspaper he was reading, and swung that trademark leather jacket around his shoulders, at the same time questioning what they were up against before John sternly directed him back into his chair.

"_What? Why?" Questioned Dean confusedly as he straightened the collar of his shirt._

"_Because I said so, that's why."_

"_But Dad-_

"_No but's Dean, I need you to stay here and take care of Sam while I'm gone."_

_The older Winchester swung his gaze over to Sam who was sitting at the breakfast table innocently eating a bowl of cereal and staring up at the two with large puppy-dog like eyes._

"_He's 16 years old Dad, he can take care of himself."_

"_Oh really?" The legendary John Winchester rose an eyebrow evidently unconvinced. _

_Dean's vigorous nod was in vain as John proceeded to recall the time 'Dean stepped outside for a breath of fresh air' only to find that Sam had set alight the motel room while trying to turn on the heater._

"_Okay, okay, so that was one time, it doesn't make it me irresponsible."_

_John informed both brothers that a woman from the underground had called only minutes before saying that there had been mysterious happenings going on two towns away in a local church and asked for him to check it out._

_Before Dean could utter another syllable John cut the conversation short, "Don't do anything stupid. Stay here. DO NOT for any reason open this door unless the devil himself knocks. Watch him", John stated sternly, pointing at Sam, "And above all, keep this house in one piece", he threw Dean a strict look before an old duffel bag appeared on his shoulder from out of nowhere and he was out the door without another word._

"_Great", sighed Dean throwing his jacket to one side, "now what are we supposed to do?"_

"_You heard the man", replied Sam, eyes still roving over the newspaper, "stay here. Do not for any reason open-_

"_Yeah yeah", grumbled Dean, slumping down into a chair, "I heard him the first time."_

_A minute of silence passed before Sam heard rustling across from him, the scraping of a chair and heavy footsteps fading away towards the hallway. A few minutes of silence passed again before the younger Winchester heard a muffled "Fuck!" from the bedroom. An exasperated sigh escaped his lips. _

"_What now Dean?"_

_The footsteps grew louder as Dean approached the table._

"_I'm all outta' cigarettes."_

"_Cigarettes?" A surprised but confused look crossed Sam's face, "I didn't know you smoked."_

"_I don't", replied Dean searching the fridge for something, "Only when I'm bored."_

_Sam looked up from his newspaper and frowned._

"_What are you doing?"_

"_Looking for some form of amusement or something to keep me busy." Dean answered, still rummaging through the fridge._

"_Well you're not going to find it in there Dean, the only 'amusement' you'll find there is 10 day old milk and a really mouldy old piece of cheese."_

_The older Winchester looked up, "Since when did Dad buy cheese?"_

_Sam shrugged without looking up from the column he was reading._

"_Anyway back to what we were talking about, do you have any suggestions then Sammy?"_

"_It's Sam", those brown eyes flickered up to look at his brother in annoyance, "and yes, I do have an idea. We could watch some T.V."_

"_T.V?" Dean coughed milk violently, spraying it all over the floor. _

_Sam's eyes widened in horror at the milk on the floor._

"_Dude, did you just drink that? That's off! That's 10 day old milk!"_

_Dean ignored his brother's shock._

"_T.V? As in daytime T.V? Daytime T.V bites dude!"_

"_Yeah, well, you gotta' better idea?" Retorted Sam._

"_I get the remote!" Sang Dean's voice from the lounge room. _

_Sam scraped his chair back from the table and shook his head as he made his way into the lounge room. This would be some experience._

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_**Author/Banshee Queen: "As always, please kindly review."**


	2. The Horror Unleashed

**Author/Banshee Queen: "Okay Chapter 2 is way longer and way funnier. The reason most of Chapter 1 was in italics was because it was a flashback as you'll read on in this chapter. Happy reading!" :)**

**Disclaimer: "Don't own Jensen Ackles or his character Dean but damn...just think of all the things you could do with a hot thang like him." _(Winks)_**

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**Chapter 2: The Horror Unleashed**

Sam _would've_ smiled remembering the conversation between his father and older brother earlier on that morning, but now he was getting to the point of wanting to throw something at Dean. For the past three hours, Dean had continuously flicked through channel after channel, stopping briefly to watch some 30-minute soapie episode or scanning every ad only to point out something negative.

"I mean, who buys this stuff? A vibrating bed? I might as well just go and look for the nearest adult shop, buy a whole shipment of vibrators and shove them under my mattress."

Under his breath, Sam growled sinisterly, slumping to one side of the couch even further. Just then, another ad of a children's toy involving a plush Big Bird, Cookie Monster, and Ernie and Bert flashed across the screen. Both brothers sat immobile staring at the screen dumbly for half a minute.

"You know what this reminds me of?" Dean asked, pointing to the screen as he broke the silence.

"No, what?" Replied Sam.

"Those stupid little prancing, dancing, cooing, colourful things from the UK."

Sam frowned and straightened on his side of the couch, swiveling his head to the right to look at his brother.

"What are you on Dean?"

"Nothing", the older Winchester answered truthfully.

"Well what do you mean by 'prancing, dancing, cooing things' ", questioned Sam sarcastically using his index fingers as quotation marks, "I didn't even know you had the word 'prancing' in that thing you call a vocabulary."

Dean glowered at his brother fiercely.

"Oh wait, do you even know what the word _vocabulary_ means, Dean?"

"Dude, you're askin' for a punch." The older Winchester stated as one eyebrow shot up threateningly.

"Well you're askin' for some serious psychiatric help."

Those pensive green eyes frowned over at Sam, "Sammy, you know what I mean."

"It's Sam", glowered the younger Winchester, "and no I don't know so why don't you just enlighten me already."

"You know, they sing and dance and live in a hole in the ground."

"You mean like hobbits?"

"Ha ha, nice try college boy but no. You've seen them heaps of times before on telly, they have those weird screens on their stomach's that change and stuff. They have names like La-lu and Dinky Winky."

Sam's eyes widened partly in horror and in recognition.

"You don't mean Teletubbies do you?

The younger Winchester leapt so far out of his seat from fright when Dean jumped out of his, and onto the couch shouting; "That's the one!"

A sigh of relief escaped Sam's lips as he settled back into his seat comfortably.

"Thank you for the 10am wake up call Dean, but I'm already awake in case you hadn't noticed! And for the record, they're names are La-_la_ and _Tinky_ Winky."

"Whatever", shrugged Dean, "all I know is if we ever come up against those things, I bag the shotty, flamethrower, salt, and all the goddamn holy-water on this planet."

Sam looked over at his brother and frowned.

"Dude, they're everyday people like us dressed up in those costumes, performing on a children's television show. You can't just shoot, burn, or salt one of them."

Dean just snickered loudly, producing another frown from his little brother.

"Oh yeah? Just watch me. And let me tell you somethin' else Sammy, one; those people need serious help, and two; we are not normal people."

"Yeah, you don't need to tell me that", sighed Sam as he slumped his head lower onto the arm rest.

"If I see one more ad come on with them advertising those colourful little freaks, I'll blow this T.V apart."

Eyes glued to the T.V screen, Sam mumbled the next sentence, "I admit they're a little annoying and creepy, but you have the remote in your hands Dean, you can just easily change the channel if you don't wanna' see another ad."

"So you're telling me right here, right now, that those things don't freak you out?" Dean questioned haughtily.

"I didn't say that, I said they were creepy." Moan Sam.

"Which means you have a fear of them." Concluded Dean smugly, flipping to another channel.

Surprise painted Sam's face. "Excuse me?"

"Sammy, Sammy, Sammy", sighed Dean teasingly, "you never let anyone in do you?"

"Aaah no, that would be you."

"Stop getting off track."

"I'm not!"

"Are to."

"Are not."

"Man you're immature", stated Dean, shaking his head while Sam stared at him in disbelief, "but I guess that's why I'm the older brother."

Confusion and amazement at how big his brother's ego had grown, stunned Sam. "I didn't have a choice of being the younger one out of us you know."

"Mmm hmm. Whatever Sammy, there you go denying again."

"What? Who-

"Never mind, it's okay to be afraid of a Teletubbie, those things are the very spawn of evil, corrupting every child within hearing or seeing distance Sammy, and you my dear brother are scared of the things."

Sam straightened so suddenly in his seat, that Dean turned to look at him innocently; wide eyed.

"There's something wrong with you, you know that?"

"Damn straight Sammy, and the chicks love it."

The sudden wicked grin which reached Dean's lips scared the hell out of Sam, and in fear of what he was thinking or had done, and in suspicion, he recoiled to the farthest corner of the couch. A couple of minutes silence passed before Dean shouted; "Awww come on! You know it's true!"

"Yeah whatever", mumbled Sam.

"Sam, why don't you just admit you're terrified of a Teletubbie?"

"Because I'm not!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"What about the time I saw you trying to change the channel and the remote wouldn't work?"

"When was this?" Questioned Sam incredulously.

"Five years ago, you were eleven years old and we had stopped that night in the motel because you were complaining to Dad about being carsick. The morning after, me and Dad went to McDonald's to bring something back for you. The line was too long and there were no hot chicks to perve on, so I decided to walk back to the motel", Sam rolled his eyes over Dean's last comment, "anyway I tried to make no sound as I opened the door, intending to scare the living shit out of you", a hearty laugh escaped Dean's throat as he threw his head back and laughed, "when I saw you sitting on your bed reading a comic, an ad came on with singing and dancing Teletubbies and you totally freaked. The remote musta' went dead or somethin' coz you were just pressin' the crap out its buttons and it just wouldn't budge. That's when I saw you leap off the bed and yank the T.V cord out of the power point", Sam blushed a bright red as Dean continued on, "now correct me if I'm wrong little brother, but to me, they would be the actions of a person with the fear of a Teletubbie! So spill!"

"Alright! Alright!" Shouted Sam, raking a hand through his shaggy head of hair.

It took a full minute of the younger Winchester telling his brother to shut up and stop giving him those looks before he complied.

"Six months before that, the one time that I ever walked into a supermarket to get a few supplies for the road, I saw this really pretty girl-

"Aaah, the Casanova!" Interrupted Dean, raising a finger in solute.

"Do you wanna' hear this story or not?"

The older Winchester waved him on hurriedly, propping his feet upon the little worn down wooden coffee-table.

"Anyway, I stood behind a stack of coke cans for ten minutes wondering if I should go up and talk to her, before…" The younger Winchester trailed off before blushing and suddenly finding a new interest with his unoccupied hands.

"Before…", questioned Dean, trying to pry the answer from him, "oh no…oh no…don't tell me that-

"Yeah."

"You didn't-

"Nope.

"It just-

"Yep."

"Man!"

"I know. The whole thing just collapsed on me. People were staring, cans went rolling across the floor everywhere, but most of all that girl looked at me as if I were some sort of freak. As she walked away, I noticed that she had this Teletubbie backpack on in the shape of one of those little monsters and it looked like it was gawking at me with wide eyes and silently laughing at me like some sort of maniac. Ever since then, I've hated Teletubbies."

"That's some story dude." Was all Dean said after Sam had finished.

"What?" Sam shifted in his seat again and looked at his brother with wide eyes, "That's all you're gonna' say after I just told you all that?"

Flipping through a couple more channels, Dean swiveled his head left to look at this younger brother.

"Whaddya' mean 'all that?' There wasn't really much to tell in the first place anyway Sammy."

"It's Sam to you", growled the younger Winchester momentarily, "and yes there is. I just admitted to you the reason why I was and _am_ scared of Teletubbies full stop. I mean, Dean man, I could've just gone without not telling you at all."

"You're right, but I got my way and that's all that matters", smiled Dean devilishly.

"You're pathetic, you know that?" Questioned Sam.

"So you've told me on countless occasions", retorted Dean smartly, "but not as pathetic as you", mumbled the older Winchester.

"What?"

Sam was out of his seat so fast Dean almost flinched at the sight of his sixteen year old brother staring down at him.

"You heard me bro", Sam continued to stand his ground and glared down at his brother, "you got serious issues if you're scared of a Teletubbie dude."

Towering over Dean, a more than confused look crossed Sam's face as he tried to justify his side of the story. "You were the one who made me admit to being scared of Teletubbies and the reason why!"

"Yeah so?"

Sam sat staring at his brother for a moment before his eyes widened and his waved his finger at his brother frenetically.

"You're scared of Teletubbies too! I don't know why I never thought of it! I should've seen it coming!"

"What are you talking about?" Question Dean confusedly. "Me? Afraid of a Teletubbie? You're out of your mind Sammy."

"No, you're out of your mind!" Retaliated Sam.

"Well I'm not the one who can't get a date because I have a goddamn fear of Teletubbies."

"Shut up Dean." Sam spat abruptly.

"Oooooooh hit a sweet spot have we?"

"Dude, would you just drop it already?" Groaned Sam, sinking back into his seat. He couldn't be bothered to argue with Dean about whether he could or couldn't get a date all because he had a fear of Teletubbies. Three straight hours of this could send a man crazy. In fact, he was heading that way himself right at that very moment.

"Sam…"

"Man, do you ever shut up?" Shouted Sam.

"Yeah well you never-

Dean's sudden yell of "Look!" followed by his weight being momentarily lifted off the couch and then back down again forced Sam upright as he looked over at his older brother, half crouching, half standing on the couch. Swinging his gaze in the direction that Dean was madly pointing to, his eyes zeroed in to the four colourful pudgy figures dancing across the screen, cooing and mewing (if that was even possible), at the same time. A high pitched strangled scream flew from Sam's throat as he dived for the remote, Dean at the same time crashing into Sam as they both wrestled for control over the remote.

"Change the channel! Change the channel Dean!" Screamed Sam for all he was worth.

The four figures continued to beckon the nation's children into buying a giggling talking, laughing plush clone of themselves, jumping around the screen with eyes as wide as saucers, looking as if they were stoned. Knocking the coffee table over with their scuffle, Dean frantically tried to pry the remote from Sam's long fingers.

"I'm trying to!" Yelled back the older Winchester, "let go of the control Sammy!"

Both brothers' hands gripped the remote tightly, neither willing to let go, as fingers and thumbs became entangled. However, both soon found this even more frightening as Dean's pointer came down hard on the volume button and soon every inch of the living room was filled with the echoes of the trademark dancing, cooing song of the Teletubbies.

Sam only scream louder and dug his nails into Dean's fingers.

"Aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!" Screeched Dean agonizingly.

"Change the channel! Change it Dean! Change it!"

"I would if you-", the older Winchester groaned against Sam's nails digging into his flesh, "just-", he heaved loudly as he rolled Sam clear off of him and pointed the remote towards the T.V as if it were a gun.

Sam immediately jumped to his feet and dived at Dean again, clawing furiously past his brother's outstretched arm which barred his way between him and the remote.

Dean grunted in frustration at Sam's relentless pushing and shoving and at the fact that the stupid remote wouldn't obey the pounding motion of his pointer finger pressing down on the "off" button. And then those stupid Teletubbies were still dancing and singing across the screen. The older Winchester's eyes briefly flickered to look at the screen.

Sam was right; the four colourful things were creepy. In fact, the things were giving him goose bumps and sending shivers down his spine. Those dreamy green eyes widened in fear as the hair on his arms stood up straight; those black pools of insanity seemed to draw Dean closer and closer towards the television, chirpy voices beckoning, and colourful bodies bouncing from one foot to the other.

A small yelp escaped Dean's throat as he, (only _now_), frantically tried jamming his finger down harder on the "off" button than before. Sammy was right after all! The little shits were still continuing on with their masquerade slash advertisement and Sam had somehow gained a half-hold on the remote again, his whole hand pressing down on Dean's pointer finger over the "off" button.

"Change the channel Dean! Change it! Oh please for God sake's change it Dean-

"I'm trying damnit!" The older Winchester yelled back over the noise and confusion. "Just let go of the remote Sammy!"

"NO!"

The scream that sprang from Sam's lips was so desperate and raw, that Dean being startled, turned to look at his younger brother in awe and compassion.

He was terrified to the ends of his wits.

A quick glance back down at the remote again was all Dean needed before he cast the thing aside with Sam still attached to it, and dived for the T.V. Another frustrated growl escaped Dean's throat as he was forced to the point of punching the buttons below the television screen.

"Turn it off! Turn it off!" Came Sam's frenzied shrieks from behind him.

"I'm trying!" Dean shouted back at him. Another moan and the older Winchester growled menacingly, "Damit Sammy shut up!"

_CLINK!_

Dean's fist connected with the screen hard, sending him recoiling from the rectangular box and nursing a crooked wrist.

"Shut it off, shut it off", Sam's muffled moans echoed.

The older Winchester turned to look at his younger brother and saw him pacing up and down the length of the lounge room with both hands grasping either side of his head, his long shaggy mop of brown hair falling over his eyes and disarrayed.

Crawling as best he could towards the T.V again, Sam abruptly looked up, tears forming in the corners of his eyes and was about to direct Dean when-

_CHUNK!_

The older Winchester's devilishly gorgeous smile returned to those lustrous lips, green eyes shining with pride as he spun around to face a quivering Sam with his prize held aloft in his hand; the cord which connected the T.V to the power point.

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**Author/Banshee Queen: "Review please?"**


	3. Admit Your Fears

**Author/Banshee Queen: "Chapter 3 is here! Sorry guys for putting it off this far, assignments & tests came up & you know how nasty they are & how bloody long they can take- but never fear! I am writing up Chapter 4 as you read this line so its all good. :D You're in for some humour with this chapter guys so read on..."**

**Disclaimer: "I don't own the Supernatural characters etc etc"**

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**Chapter 3: Admit Your Fears**

Sam sighed loudly and sank down against the couch, massaging his temples thoroughly as Dean picked up the discarded remote and sat down next to his brother, propping up both feet on the overturned coffee table.

"Man I should win the 'Best Brother of the Year Award'."

Sam smiled timidly, still trying to slow down his breathing and unexpectedly pulled out a puffer from his back pocket. Dean just stared at him in shock as he took deep breaths and inhaled the contents.

"I didn't know you had asthma."

"Yeah well maybe if you'd-", another puff, "paid attention, you'd know."

The older Winchester quirked an eyebrow.

"I pay attention", Sam shot his brother a cynical look, "does Dad know about this?"

The younger Winchester nodded vigorously, "He's known since day one."

Dean clutched his breast protectively as if he'd been shot, frowning at the same time.

"Well how come he never told me?"

"It's called a secret Dean, and he knows you can't keep one so that's why he never told you."

"Sammy", Dean frowned exasperatedly, "who in the world would I tell that you have asthma?"

"It's Sam, and most probably the girl you'd be at-the-time dating, or…", at Dean's raised eyebrow in expectation, Sam blushed and rambled on, "uhh, never mind. I mean, for all we know she could be a demon in disguise out to get us."

Again Dean rose an eyebrow mockingly, "A demon in disguise? Out to get us? Man you are a piece of work little brother."

"Think outside the square you live in damit", came Sam's murmured reply as he stuffed the puffer back into his pocket, "by the way _Deanie_", Dean glared at his brother contemptuously, "was that a little yelp of fear I heard from before?"

Dean glared at his brother hard, throwing daggers with the irritated glint in his eyes, "Me? Yelp? Come on Sam. I didn't scream."

"Oh so you're saying that you did make some form of noise that came out as a scream, but wasn't a scream? Well this is rich dearest brother."

The older Winchester recoiled from his brother's sudden frightening grin, pointing a finger at him as if to place an invisible barrier between the two which was meant not for Sam to cross.

"You're scaring me Sammy, stop it."

"Oooooooh looks like little ol' Dean does have a weak spot. I knew it!" The younger Winchester jumped onto the couch and pointed _his_ finger at his brother. "I knew it, I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! You are scared of Teletubbies!" Dean continued to watch his brother hysterically jump up and down on the couch shouting deafeningly at him, "You do have a fear of Teletubbies except you just don't want to admit to it because you're afraid!"

The older Winchester's green eyes darted around the room frantically as the walls guarding this obscene fear of his, came crashing down.

"Well look at those things Sammy! They sing, they dance, they coo! As if you wouldn't be scared of them!"

"HA! So you are implying that you have a fear of them! Nailed ya'!"

"Yeah so?"

"HA! Nailed ya' again!"

"Sam, shut up."

"No! Admit that you're scared of them!"

"What is there to admit if I'm not even afraid of the damn things!" Hissed Dean.

Now it was Sam's turn to raise an eyebrow in question.

"But you just implied that you were scared of them. You even specified what was freaky about them."

"Sam just quit it alright!"

"No! Admit it asshole!"

Dean whipped his head left to look at his brother so suddenly that Sam thought he had broken something in the back of his neck.

"Did you just call me an asshole?"

"Wow, someone's hard of hearing", yawned Sam, slouching lower into his seat.

"You are soooooooooo asking for a punch in the head Sammy."

"It's _Sam_", growled the younger Winchester glaring at his brother.

"Oooooooh and what are ya' gonna' do to me if I call you Sammy again", Sam shook his head slightly, as if to scold him, "_…_Sammy."

"This!"

With one swift movement, Sam was out of his seat, had grabbed hold of Dean's head and slammed it down hard onto the overturned coffee table.

"You bastard", winched Dean, stroking the spot tenderly which was now turning into a nasty red lump.

"Yeah well you shouldn't-

"AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!"

Dean screamed as he dive-tackled Sam around the legs and rammed him into a wall back-first. Dean raised an eyebrow in question when the younger Winchester moaned in pain as he looked at the blood on his fingertips and turned around to look at the wall. Dean eye's widened in horror as he realized the back of Sam's head had hit the front of a glass framed painting.

"Sammy I didn't mean to, let me-

_WHAM! _

The younger Winchester's heavy punch sent Dean flying halfway across the room.

"Bitch! I'm prolly gonna' have to have stitches because of you!"

Dean, still seeing stars, immediately scrambled to his feet groggily. If Sammy wanted to play, he'd play, but what Sammy didn't realize was that _Dean_ made the rules of the game, and it'd only be a matter of time before the younger Winchester would loose.

"Did you just call me a bitch?"

"Well what do you think asshole?" Questioned Sam angrily, planting both hands on his hips firmly.

"You called me a bitch twice?" Dean questioned incredulously.

"No shit-

Sam never got to finish his sentence before a dark blue vase came hurtling straight in his line of vision.

_CLASH!_

The vase broke into a million pieces once connecting with Sam's forehead, in the process producing a deep cut on his forehead which forced an agitated but cutting moan from Sam's lips.

"You wanna' play Sammy?" Asked Dean cockily, shadow looming monstrously huge over Sam and growing larger with each step he took backwards towards the window, "well I'll play", the younger Winchester's green eyes filled with animosity, flickered as he raised them to his brother's level, "but just don't forget one thing little Sammy."

"And what might that be Dean?" Snickered the younger Winchester.

"That I was always the better brother."

"Fuck you Dean!"

Dean felt his heart miss _more_ than _one_ beat as he just by inches missed Sam's wide swing. The younger Winchester had somehow in the space of a few seconds ripped a stand lamp –plug and all- from where it stood, and was now using it as a bat against his older brother.

Dean hopped from one corner of the room to the other, tripping over the already overturned coffee table and managing to give Sam enough time to get in a couple of good hits to the gut.

"Truce, truce!" Pleaded the older Winchester, holding up both hands and trying to nurse his sore stomach at the same time.

"Didn't think about that when you payed me out about having a goddamn fear of Teletubbies, now did you Dean?"

_CRACK! _

Sam brought the lamp down swiftly from above his head as if he were using an axe, and sent Dean reeling backwards into the wall, where he slid down quickly, landing on his butt hard and finally sat slumped to one side, cradling his nose tenderly. Sam clenched his grip even tighter around the shaft of the lamp once he saw the gleam of malevolence flash in Dean's eyes fiercely.

_CRAAAAAAAACK!_

Dean winced in pain as he cracked his nose back into its original position and wiped the blood running from his left nostril onto the back of his sleeve.

"You're gonna' pay for that ya' little prick", Dean growled as he advanced on an increasingly pissed off Sam, "and I mean big time."

Sam flipped the other end of the lamp into his hand and raised it above his head again, except this time began twirling it around as if it were a baton. Just as Dean was about to lay his hands on Sam, the younger Winchester twisted the lamp swift as a serpent and using the stand-end, rammed into Dean's chest. But the older Winchester was too fast, and in a matter of seconds Dean had laid both hands onto the long shaft of the lamp and wrenched it free from his brother's feeble grasp.

_CRACK! _

"Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhh! Fuck Dean!"

"How do you like it, ya' little bitch, when your nose is shifted out of place and thrown onto the other side of your face?" Questioned Dean heatedly, practically yelling into his littler brother's ear as he paced around him audaciously like a predator who is watching their prey.

Amidst his pain, Sam managed to scrape together some sort of a half smile, half grin and simply replied; "Just A-Ok."

"What did you just say?"

"You heard me- oh wait maybe not, seeing as how that little, no wait- big ego of yours is always yammering away into your ear."

Dean stood with both feet planted firmly on the carpet, holding the lamp rigidly as he listened to Sam ramble on and on about God knows what.

" 'Dean, don't forget to fill up the Impala tomorrow, otherwise we won't get a decent skirt for a week!' " Sam mimicked in an overly high pitched voice. " 'Oh Dean I love your car! How fast does it go? Oh can I touch the gear stick?' Is that what all of those little bitches say whenever they check you out?'."

"You know you're askin' for a decent belting now Sammy", growled Dean, gritting his teeth callously and grasping the stand-lamp firmly, knuckles turning white and crackling under Sam's words.

"Maybe you should turn that beating to that ego of yours, _brother_, because at least I know that I can admit to having a fear of a children's television show cast of dancing freaks, unlike you."

_CRAAAAAAAACK!_

Sam corrected his nose without even batting an eyelid, which in turn produced a slight look of dismay on Dean's face. However, it was gone in a few seconds, and both brother's readied themselves for Round 2.

"Come on _Sophomore boy_, you wanna' piece of me? Well then come get it!" Taunted Dean, tautening his grip on the stand-lamp.

Sam may have been naive and even oblivious to some of the 'sexual jokes' and pranks Dean had pulled on him over the years, but he knew when he saw a trap and he sure as hell wasn't walking into this one.

Dean wanted him to walk right into it, but he wasn't going to give his older brother the satisfaction of having the right to say; _'Hey Sam, remember the time when you walked right into my little trap and I kicked your ass? Dude I can't believe you fell for that!'_ Sam pushed the thought away irritably and tried concentrating on Dean's weaknesses. What was Dean's one weakness?

_Women. _

The younger Winchester rolled his eyes over the thought and rolled his eyes _again _as he remembered Dean abbreviation for the term women; _'ass'._

"Hey look Dean, boobs!" Exclaimed Sam, eyes flickering back and forth between his outstretched arm pointing to the television screen and Dean's face.

"Where?" Questioned the older Winchester, eyes lighting up and darting in the direction Sam was frantically pointing to.

_WHAM!_

Sam's startling scissor-kick to the chest sent Dean staggering backwards into the wall, where he sat slumped trying to catch his breath and fend off Sam's continuous kicks to the stomach.

"I can't", one kick to Dean's stomach, "believe", another kick, "you fell", a third kick to Dean's kidney elicited a low groan from his lips, "for that man. God you are stupider than you look."

The older Winchester lay curled into a ball on the floor in pain, cradling his sore middle and moaning, but was puzzled over what the hell Sam might've been doing when he heard the _scuffle scuffle_ of his footsteps on the carpet. The sound of curtains being thrown back and a window being opened followed, and then the footsteps were back. Dean could feel his brother's heated gaze roving over him and heard Sam snicker and mutter something inaudible.

_The little bastard. Just wait till'-_

His thoughts were cut short as he was lifted up and hoisted over Sam's shoulder like a sack of grain.

_What the? Where's he- _

_PLONK!_

Dean was flipped over onto his stomach and landed hard on the windowsill.

_Ouch. Could you maybe just mince my internal organs next time Sammy? _

Soon after that, the younger Winchester wrapped one strong hand around Dean's nape and tightened his grip to the point of emitting a small scream from Dean's lips.

"Now", began Sam, "I have you in a position from which you can't move, and I have the upper hand."

"God Sammy you don't know how wrong that sounds", coughed Dean, trying to wriggle from Sam's hold.

"Shut up!" Hissed Sam, "If you move again, I'll do more than just hit you with this lamp. If you breathe, sneeze or even fart damit", Dean managed a small chuckle but winced inwardly after one of his lower ribs shifted slightly, "I'll kill you. So admit it! 'I'm afraid of Teletubbies!'."

"No!" Rasped Dean, gripping the windowsill with his fingernails.

"Say it Dean!"

"No!"

"Say it!"

"NO!"

"If you don't say it right here, right now, the next place you're gonna' find this lamp'll be somewhere damn unpleasant Dean!"

"Oh God I knew it", bemoaned the older Winchester.

"Knew what Dean?" Questioned Sam growing livider by the minute.

"You _are_ gay", Dean croaked.

"What?" Questioned Sam, frowning immensely. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Dean shot back. "You have me bent over a windowsill with one hand gripping my neck; I can feel my spine breaking dude! Not to mention you threatening to hit me with a goddamn lamp while, –might I add- you're bent over me which –in some cases if anyone saw us- could be seen as incest you idiot!"

"And?"

"And?" Questioned Dean disbelievingly, "Oh gee I don't know, just the fact that I can feel your gonads up against my ass which is _so_ wrong in more ways than one!"

"DEAN! For you to even think-

"Oh God", moaned Dean, "look!"

Only at Dean's last complaint did Sam heed his words, and when the younger Winchester raised his gaze to where his brother was looking, his eyes widened on their own accord.

Across the road an elderly man walking his dog stood gaping at the pair; Dean hanging over the windowsill and Sam bent over behind him with one hand clutching his neck tightly while in the other hand he held a stand-lamp threateningly above Dean's back.

Both brother's stuttered over which words would 'sound best' in a situation like this, but it was Sam who got the first sentence in.

"Please ignore us! We're really not like this! We just-

"THREE WORDS OLD MAN!" Dean half yelled, half coughed from his 'position', "I'M-NOT-GAY!"

Both the old man's eyes and Sam's widened as one. Even the old man's Corgi turned its head to one side in bewilderment.

"You two should be ashamed of yourselves!"

"I'm not gay!" Squawked Sam, nearly in tears.

"…though I can't reassure you if my little brother is", continued Dean, oblivious of either the old man's or Sam's recent comments, "he just", Dean twisted his head around to look at the expression of dismay on Sam's face, "likes this kinda' thing."

Both the old man and the dog practically ran the length of footpath, wanting to be as far away from the two as they could.

The younger Winchester abruptly turned his head to one side and dry-retched. Dean twisted awkwardly in his position, trying to see what was the matter with his brother and rolled his eyes. What he didn't know was that Sam was forcibly pushing down the surge of bile he could feel shooting up his throat.

When Sam managed to regain his 'former self' all he said was, "You've got some serious problems Dean."

"You think I've got serious problems? Look at yourself! You can't even get a date! And all because of- AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!"

_TWACK! TWACK! TWACK!_

"All because of what Dean!" Screamed Sam maniacally as he repeatedly slammed the window down onto Dean's back.

"Argh!"

_TWACK!_

"Aaaah!"

_TWACK!_

"Sam!"

_TWACK!_

"Stop!"

Sam momentarily paused and straightened, a wry smile splitting his innocent face in two. After a moment he spoke again, grinning evilly at Dean's back as his voice took on a new freakishly cheery edge.

"Good morning Mr. Winchester, my name's Sam Winchester and I'm going to be your chiropractor for this session. First off, we're going to start with a nice little technique I like to call 'Window-Cracker'. What we do with this window is bring it down swiftly onto your back, and gently kneed the muscles so as to loosen up any tension that may have built up over a certain period of time."

"Sam_…_"

"If you proceed to experience any slight pain at all, just give me a signal and I'll stop right away. Other than that, please sit back and enjoy the session, or in your case, just hang there and enjoy the session_…Deanie_."

"Sam_…_" Dean's voice had surprisingly taken on a slightly quivering edge.

_TWACK!_

"Stop!"

_TWACK!_

"Make me!"

_TWACK!_

"Stop-

_TWACK!_

"Sam-

_TWACK!_

"LOOK-

_TWACK!_

"WHAT?"

_CRUNCH!_

"AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The scream which left Sam's O-shaped mouth was instantaneously hollow as he sank to the floor with both hands over his crotch.

"Bastard", breathed Dean as he slowly stood upright and massaged the back of his sore neck.

"Dirty-fighter", winced Sam as he slowly got to his feet.

"Oh no you don't!" Cried Dean as he kicked his little brother harshly to the floor again.

"Dean", moaned Sam as he rolled onto his side.

"Don't start that crap again, you little sh- OW!"

Sam chuckled devilishly as he recoiled the butt-end of the stand-lamp from Dean's kneecap and smiled triumphantly.

"Man you really are stupider than you look, _brother_."

"Oh yeah?"

In under a nanosecond Dean had snatched the lamp out of Sam's hands and had grabbed hold of the back of his shirt, bodily dragging a kicking and screaming younger Winchester towards the television. Once there, Dean flipped Sam onto his back in one swift motion and sat on top of him so as to stop him from moving full stop.

"It's payback Sammy", whispered the older Winchester as he looped the television cord around Sam's neck and immediately began choking the life of him.

"Urcchh, D-

"Boy does this feel good", taunted Dean, smiling down at Sam who was desperately scratching vainly at the cord around his neck and gagging, "I guess now I won't have to admit anything", Sam choked loudly right after those words, "not that there was anything to admit to start off little brother", Dean continued merrily, "you know I gotta' admit, I always wanted to do this and now I have the perfect excuse!" Squealed the older Winchester, his face lighting up with glee.

"De-

Again Sam choked violently, right arm outstretched across the carpeted floor and scratching wildly.

"See isn't this great Sammy, we're both sitting here- well at least I know that I am- having a decent conversation, now isn't that what dad's always going on about? That we should spend some more time together? Family time Sammy? It just doesn't get any better than this."

"DEAN!" Sam half coughed, half choked. His eyes and whole face was turning completely red, the veins on his neck hideously huge and pulsating.

"Huh? Oh yeah your throat'll hurt like hell throughout this little ordeal Sammy, but I promise, when you start seeing stars or everything starts to go black, then I'll let up", 'reassured' the older Winchester, "but until then", Dean continued cheerily, "you're just gonna have to relax and let me do my job."

"De- ", Sam's shallow gasps of air were becoming more and more scarce, his coughing violent and strained, but Dean didn't seem to notice, "Ca-, I ca-

"You can't breathe? Well duh Sam! That's the whole point of this!" Chuckled Dean, rolling his eyes sarcastically.

"De-, I ca-, I ca- ", the younger Winchester's 'scratching' had gradually slowed, and he was now up to the point of softly stroking the carpet beneath his fingers when Dean swung his head down to his brother's level to take a look at the expression on his face.

"Wow, quite the little actor aren't we Sophomore boy?" Unexpectedly, Dean of all people sighed, "they didn't teach me anything like that when I was at school. Aaah well, at least I have my good looks and _charming_ charms to rely on." An odd chuckle escaped Dean's lips.

"De-, De-, puh_…_puh_…_", Sam let out one long wheeze before his head fell limply to the carpet.

"…and Angelina Jolie", Dean whistled, "now she's a good actress! And yes, Sam I actually do take notice of her acting abilities and not just her boobs. I mean, it's not just about her body, it's about-

The older Winchester cut himself off when he realized he couldn't hear his little brother's wheezing and looked down at the cord in his hands wrapped around Sam's neck.

"Oh my God, Sam! Sam!" Shouted Dean loudly, rolling Sam onto his back and ripping the cord off his neck, "Can you hear me? Speak damit Sammy!" Dean shouted as he practically slapped the flesh off his brother's pale cheeks.

_CRUNCH!_

Dean collapsed to the ground cupping his crotch protectively and squinting his eyes in pain, "Sweet_…_Lord_…_above_…_Sam_…_", he groaned, trailing off into coherent mumblings of agony.

"That's for before", Sam whispered hoarsely, rubbing his throbbing Adam's Apple and sore neck. The cord had engraved a red raw line around his entire neck which pulsated like a ring of fire every time his fingertips connected with his tender skin.

"You didn't have to go to that extent Sammy", groaned Dean resting on his knees.

"What?" Questioned Sam, opening one eyelid as he continued to rub his neck gently, "you just did before, and it's Sam to you."

"Sammy_…_"

Without a word Sam launched himself at his kneeling brother and tackled him to the ground, the two rolling and bouncing across the living room floor, arms and legs becoming entangled in the confusion as they began the epic battle again of punching and kicking.

"Get off me!" Yelled Dean, as he attempted to pry Sam's hands off of his own neck.

"Lighten up Dean! Take another BREATHER!" Screamed Sam terrifyingly as he choked the living daylights out of his older brother with his bare hands.

Minutes went by before Dean's face began turning as red as a beetroot and his kicking relented before Sam -grinning satisfactorily- slowly let go off his neck. Not a second sooner than he did this, Dean brought up both legs to his chest and with an almighty kick of his feet into Sam's chest, sent his brother tumbling halfway across the room.

"This is _my_ game Sammy, and _you_ play by _my_ rules", said the older Winchester, stalking towards his next soon-to-be-victim.

"What game is that exactly, _Dean_?" Questioned Sam sarcastically before he grabbed a hold of Dean's ankle and sunk his teeth down viciously.

The scream which escaped Dean's lips was instantaneous and deafening as he attempted to shake off the lump firmly attached to his left leg identified as his little brother.

"Get_…_off_…_arrrggghhh!"

The more Dean whined and screamed, the harder Sam bit down. Dean, seeing as how his brother had resorted to dirty fighting and there was no turning back, sought out a few of his own little techniques. The older Winchester bent down, very much so in pain, and grabbed a fistful of his brother's moppy brown hair. Sam screamed deafeningly as his brother dragged him over towards the bookshelf –limping all the while- situated next to the T.V and repeatedly banged his head against one of the shelves ruthlessly. The cut on Sam's forehead from beforehand gradually grew in size and depth with the younger Winchester's cries of mercy resounding within the small lounge room as Dean finally relented. However, as soon as the older Winchester stepped back Sam lunged for Dean's legs, tackling him to the ground yet again. From thereon in, scratching, biting, punching, kicking and anything that could be used as a projectile or weapon were all on the menu as the two brother's rolled across the living room floor in their epic battle.

"…get off me!"

"…ego of yours you bitch!"

"…bitch yourself Sam_…_"

"…how do you like it!"

"…my kneecap again and I'll_…_"

"…expect me to fall for that?"

"Just tr- AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!" Dean shrieked disturbingly.

A more than evil grin reached Sam's lips as he looked down at his brother.

"You bitch, you bit me!"

"Oh so you're callin' me a bitch now Dean?" Questioned Sam angrily.

"You bit my bloody nipple! What kind of freak are you?"

"The only kind there is", growled Sam as he threw another punch at Dean's face.

Minutes passed and turned to hours and still this went on, until finally the late afternoon sun blazed forth through the white lace drapes hanging in the lounge room windows.

With one last feat of strength Dean threw one last punch to Sam's face and collapsed onto the carpet a few feet away from his little brother panting laboriously.

"You know", began Dean trying to catch his breath, "I'm starting to wonder", he exhaled quickly, "whether this was worth it."

"Whether what was worth what Dean?" Questioned Sam, moaning slightly from the deep cut burning on his forehead.

"Whether this was worth kicking your ass", panted Dean, groaning as he rolled onto his back.

"Fuck you", breathed Sam wiping the blood off of his forehead.

"Man I'm exhausted", whispered Dean, fighting the urge to close his heavy eyelids.

Within seconds the two Winchester brothers lay fast asleep on the living room floor in the midst of what looked like a violent hurricane had swept through.

* * *

**Author/Banshee Queen: "Good? Bad? Please review, I'm in a desperate need for one & I also need to know what you guys think. Did you think the 'Window-Cracker' was too cruel to do to Dean?"_(Grins)_ **


	4. Daytime TV Sucks Dude

**Author/Banshee Queen: "First of all, let me say SORRY! Sorry this last chapter took so long to come out- but what with school back on and all that, it's been hectic. Secondly, thank you to everyone who reviewed! **

**_MiniMalfoy101, SensiblyTainted, Joou Himeko Dah, Bewitched by Potter, sokerfreek922, Esteem, immortalwizardpirateelf-fan, Jenna, Histswot, xxsummerlove14x3, and JaggerK- _thank you for reviewing, I've kept your reviews in mind whilst writing this last chapter, and its pushed me to wanna'get this chapter out quicker. Also, to_ Belinda _and_ Maree, (huggles the hell outta' them) _–a big big thank you for reading this in Modern History and extremely, enthusiastically, encouraging me to keep on with this fic when we all should've been studying! Lol. **

**So without further ado, I present the last and final chapter of 'Daytime T.V Sucks Dude'. Enjoy!" :D **

**Disclaimer: "I don't own Supernatural but I sure as hell own this story!" **

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**Chapter 4: "Daytime T.V Sucks Dude"**

A few hours had passed before Dean came to, and even then it was a painful experience. The older Winchester groaned painfully as he lay on the carpeted floor. Every single part of his body seemed to ache, especially his back and crotch.

_Little bastard. _Dean thought as he willed himself to sit up.

A loud groan escaped his lips which caused Sam to stir, murmuring something as he turned his head in Dean's direction and slowly opened his eyes.

"What time is it?" He asked hoarsely.

Dean twisted his wrist and looked at his watch; "8:21pm."

"Shit", breathed Sam attempting to sit up. "Argh", the younger Winchester grunted as he tried again.

"No, don't move Sammy", said Dean worriedly, scooting over quickly and ignoring his own pain.

"It's Sam", the younger Winchester growled as he looked up at Dean who was tenderly checking his cut, "and what do you care anyway?"

"Like it or not Sammy, I'm still your older brother and I care for you regardless of anything you have ever said or done or _could_ say and do that would ever hurt me."

Sam continued to stare up at his brother in defiance but after seeing the startlingly soft look in Dean's hazel eyes, he felt his own watering slightly.

"This is a pretty nasty looking cut you got on your little head here dude", Sam grinned broadly, "got any idea where you got it from?"

"Think I might've been knocked around a little", Sam replied still grinning widely, "but I'll be alright."

An amused grin lit up Dean's face as he gently wiped the blood off Sam's forehead with the bottom of his T-shirt.

"Hey Dean", began Sam after a moment.

"Yeah?" He replied, without looking down from what he was doing.

"I'm sorry for all of this. I didn't mean to hurt you so bad."

The older Winchester's fingers briefly halted, and he looked down at his little brother with such compassion that Sam had never before seen in his eyes, that he felt his heart miss a beat.

"I'm sorry too Sammy", Dean whispered softly.

"Truce?"

"Tru-

But before Dean could finish his sentence, the front door opened with a noisy creak and in stepped John Winchester. The duffel bag on his shoulder dropped to the floor with a loud _THUD! _And then the two brother's were left under their father's searing gaze.

It took a couple of seconds for John Winchester's eyes to take in the mayhem which littered every inch of the small lounge room and then he immediately averted his gaze to Dean who swallowed nervously.

"Dean_…_", it seemed to the older Winchester like a lifetime when his father paused before he began again, "_…_what happened?"

The older Winchester swallowed nervously again. His dad was pissed alright, and the reason he could tell that was by the way he calmly asked the question.

"Ummm_…_well_…_I_…_uhhh_…_you see_…_Sam knows, don't you Sam?" Dean said suddenly, clapping his brother on the back which elicited a deep growl from his lips.

Sam looked at his brother, wide eyes filled with horror, but Dean just shrugged sheepishly.

"I swear to God I am gonna' kick your ass later", hissed Sam under his breath.

"Sam?" Questioned John folding his arms irritably, the leather of his jacket creaking, "I want an answer and I don't care if I have to wrench it free."

"Oh what, you're gonna' kick my ass again?" Hissed Dean under his breath with a quick urgency, "s'not like you haven't just done that Sammy!"

"Shut up!" The younger Winchester hissed back, "I _will_ kick your ass later Dean and that's a promise!"

"Oooooh I'm so scared I think I just wet myself Sammy!" Dean taunted, holding up both hands as if to ward his younger brother off.

"Dean!" Yelled John crossly.

But although their father stood in the doorway of the house reeking of anger at the fact that both of his sons lay on the living room floor battered and bruised, hissing petty threats to one another and having the audacity to at the same time ignore his mere presence, both the Winchester brother's continued their feeble quarrel on who was going to inflict the greater amount of pain on the other.

"Yeah you better be Dean because when I come down on you next, it'll be like a goddamn tonne of bricks! Or better yet…", a freakishly evil grin creased Sam's innocent features, "a window sill."

"Oh no you don't you little bitch!" Hissed Dean quickly and pointing his finger at Sam like a pistol, "This fight hasn't even begun yet! This is just Round 1, you just wait, I am gonna' make your life hell for the next oh- thousand years!"

"We're not even gonna' live to be a thousand you idiot!"

"Says who?"

"Me!"

"As if I'd listen to anything you'd say!"

"Well no wonder the dinosaurs died out."

"What?" Questioned Dean confusedly, "That doesn't even make any sense!"

"Dean even _they_ couldn't stand to look at your ugly mug", the older Winchester- along with their father who was looking both surprised and pleased at Sam's defense- raised his eyebrows at his younger brother's comment, "so when they saw that comet coming straight for em' they saw it as a God-send."

The older Winchester gritted his teeth harshly, "Sammy I swear-

"You'll what? Strangle me to near death until I can't tell the difference between the fading light of the day turning into night- or the dark spots clouding my vision before I black out completely?"

"WHAT!" Questioned John so raucously both the Winchester brothers jumped. "Is this true Dean?"

Dean lay on the floor, mouth silently imitating a gasping fish as he fought to justify himself.

"I_…_I_…_"

"Is this true?" John repeated firmly, in one large stride reaching Sam and thoroughly examining his neck once he helped him to his feet.

Dean sighed audibly, "Yes_…_"

"Look at these marks on your brother's neck!" John shouted at full volume, pointing to five red-raw lines wrapped around Sam's neck, "you could've suffocated him Dean! You could've killed him!"

"That was the whole point", muttered Dean as he got to his feet.

"What did you just say?" Queried John as he released his hold on Sam and stalked towards his eldest son.

"You heard me!" Dean replied angrily, the veins in his neck beginning to surface, "I strangled the life out of him because he nearly broke my friggin' back in two!"

After saying those words, Dean lifted up his shirt and turned around, revealing his back to John, who stood in disbelief as his eyes travelled over the thick bands of red marking his eldest son's back.

"Did you do this?" Questioned John as he spun around to face Sam.

The youngest Winchester shifted his feet nervously before visibly hunching his shoulders and sighing, "Yes Sir", Sam answered meekly.

"Sammy, what were you thinking?" John began in a softer tone, "And how exactly did those marks appear on your brother's back?"

"I-

"Oh this is bullshit!" Dean bellowed at the top of his voice. "You're babying him right before my eyes and acting like I just cut of his head!"

"Because you nearly did!" Retaliated his father and brother in unison.

"Well what about what he did to me? I can't believe you're taking his side dad!"

"Dean", John began, unhurriedly walking up towards his eldest son and staring him straight in the eye, "if I'm harder on you it's because you're the eldest and I depend on you."

Yep, that stone hard stare and deep, gravel-like commanding voice John Winchester was well-known for was back, and that's when both the Winchester boys knew it was time to stop dicking-around.

"You know you can't just leave Sammy here on his own", continued their father, gesturing towards Sam standing to his right.

"I'm sixteen years old dad, I can take care of myself", Sam commented angrily.

"You're not an adult yet Sam", John said turning to face his youngest son, "and you", the eldest Winchester turned back to his oldest son, "you should know better."

Dean merely shifted his resting weight onto the other foot and looked down at the ring on his left hand while Sam's hazel eyes innocently roved about the room, at the same time scratching his head to busy himself with the awkward silence. John ran a hand wearily over his face and sighed audibly, sinking deeper into the worn cushions of the couch.

"Now_…_", John started slowly, looking around the room in disbelief at the mayhem, "could one of you please explain to me how this room came to be in an otherwise state than which I left it in?"

Both Dean and Sam sidled a quick knowing glance at one another before averting their eyes back to their father's questioning gaze.

"Boys_…_", John's dark eyes flickered back and forth between his two sons, "Dean talk."

The older Winchester groaned but after a stern look from his father, hurriedly began the story.

"Well, me and Sam were bored out of our brains and finding nothing else to do, Sam suggested we watch some daytime T.V."

"Daytime T.V?" John's eyebrow quirked.

"It's just a phrase Dean uses", Sam answered.

Dean nodded vigorously, "Anyway, we were watching T.V when this Sesame St commercial came on and I commented on how they reminded me of Teletubbies."

"Teletubbies?" Again John's eyebrow's quirked.

"Just imagine fatter, scarier, cherub-voiced, drug induced, more colourful versions of Jim Henson's workshops dad, and that'll equal a Teletubbie", Dean said, scrubbing a hand through his thin sandy blonde hair.

"Okay, go on", the elder Winchester waved on his son, a perplexed expression painted on his face.

"So then me and Sammy got talking, and I concluded that Sammy had a fear of Teletubbies because he said they were 'creepy', right Sam?"

The younger Winchester nodded ever so vigorously and innocently, hoping to God his father wouldn't erupt when he found out what the real reason was behind all the turmoil littering the living room floor.

"And so then I recalled a certain memory of Sammy which I don't care to retell nor does Sam care to relive, right Sammy?"

The younger Winchester's face had paled in the space of ten seconds, and this time around he nodded so quickly, John thought he had caught a glimpse of_…_dread? And strangely enough_…_humiliation. What could make Sammy so pale with fear? The elder Winchester passed his hawk-like gaze over to his eldest son.

_Dean._

He knew that Dean knew more than he let on. It had always been that way between the two brothers. _He_ had always been that way. Secretive, and damn good at keeping a secret, especially if it was Sammy's, and this too was no different.

"So then after Sam told me a certain story which I'm sure he does not care to retell, I provoked him to point the finger at me, saying that _I had_ a fear of Teletubbies which of course I denied. But then right at that moment an add came on with a bunch of those colourful little freaks dancing around the place_…_and that's when we had a little squabble to turn off the T.V."

"And that's how the place came to look like this then huh boys?" John casually concluded, folding his arms and propping his feet up on the _still_-over-turned coffee table.

"Well not exactly", said Sam slowly, "I accused Dean of 'yelping' to which he obviously denied at first_…_", Sam shot his older brother a quick glare, "then admitted to a second later." A triumphant smile reached Sam's lips.

"I _will_ kick your ass later Sammy", growled Dean, under his breath.

"ANYWAY", Sam began again, overriding his brother's comment loudly, "Dean provoked me by calling me Sammy, which you know I hate-

"Sammy", Dean sang sweetly, hands clasped and pressed against his heart while he batted his eyelashes as girly-like as possible.

The younger Winchester merely grumbled something inaudible and continued with their story, "So then Dean provoked me, and, well_…_I grabbed his head and slammed it down on the coffee table real hard_…_", Sam ended quietly.

Both brother's were expecting to cop an ear-lashing but instead their father squeezed his eyes shut tight and winced inwardly.

"How bout' you just continue on with the story and I'll stop you when I see fit?" Both Dean and Sam looked mutely at their father. "Go on", he waved.

"Then Dean dive tackled me into the wall over there and scored me a cut from that glass framed painting." Sam gestured.

"-Which in turn caused Sam to whammy one on me good", Dean enthusiastically pointed to the bruise forming around his left eye.

"After that I got a vase thrown at my head. It smashed of course, but hey I'm still walking!" Sam grinned.

"So then Sammy picked up that stand lamp over there", Dean pointed to his left on the floor, "and hit me in the gut. Goddamn that hurt by the way Sam." Dean rubbed his stomach for emphasis tenderly.

"Yeah, it was a pretty good shot huh?" Grinned the younger Winchester at his older brother.

_What…in…the…hell…happened? _The voice in John's head screamed. _I leave them for fourteen hours alone and then all hell breaks loose? _

The elder Winchester gazed at his two sons as if stunned with an electric prod. Five minutes ago they were threatening to kill each other and volleying insult after insult at one another, and now they were congratulating each other on how good an injury they had inflicted on the other.

"…and then before I knew it Sammy had brought down the lamp on my nose, and I ended up with a broken nose", continued Dean, unaware of his father' utter confusion and sudden interest with where the conversation was going.

"Yeah but then Dean grabbed it off me and broke _my_ nose!"

"He he he, I bet that was a shocker huh?" Dean laughed so casually John thought he might have a heart attack right then and there.

With all the supernatural creatures and phenomenon's they'd seen so far in their short lives, John thought they would've needed counseling or therapy for years on end of some sort, but strangely, nothing of the like phased them- but now a small thing like beating your brother to near death was amusing to them, and John was beginning to become _a little more_ than slightly worried.

"But then Sam scissor-kicked me to the chest and got me on the ground, which earned me repeated kicks to the gut, not to mention my kidney. And then- Sam did the weirdest thing-

_God help me, I've ruined these boys._

"…and bent me over a windowsill and stood behind me. And then this old man with a corgi-

"HE WHAT?"

John roared so loudly and leapt so quickly from his spot on the couch, both the Winchester brothers flinched in fear.

"Dad, it is soooooooooo not what you think it is-

"Just what the hell is it then Dean!" John roared.

"It's how I got this!" Dean yelled, turning around and lifting up his shirt to show the thick red bands marking his back.

John's dark eyes flickered to the windowsill and put two and two together_…_the elder Winchester breathed a sigh of relief but eyed Sam wearily, as if trying to 'sound him out' visually. As soon as their father turned his back to return to his place on the couch, Sam mouthed a desperate 'thank you' to his smiling-forgiving brother and let him continue on with the story.

"Anyway dad, that's when I hit the bull's eye with the good old kick to the balls."

"Mmm-hmm, and that's when I hit him in the kneecap with the lamp-

"Yeah but that's when I dragged him over to the T.V and choked the living daylight outta' him with the T.V cord-

"And that's how I got these", said Sam, tilting his jaw upwards to show the red marks on his neck.

They were talking so fast and cutting off each other's sentences, John was beginning to think they were getting _excited_ over the whole ordeal.

"…kicked me in the balls though."

"Yeah I figured it was only fair", Sam stated imperturbably.

John continued to listen with confounded curiosity, every now and again wincing inwardly as both Dean and Sam grinned at one another or laughed at the injuries now marring their bodies. Another fifteen minutes had gone by before Sam concluded with a grin; "And then we just fell asleep I guess."

The elder Winchester sat inert for a moment of silence which seemed like an eternity to the two brothers, eyes closed, one hand resting lightly on his brow, the other gripping the armrest of the couch resolutely. To both Dean and Sam it looked as if their father was staring at the carpet determinedly, as if in a trance, but when those dark eyes flickered upwards to meet theirs, they knew they had a battle on their hands.

"So_…_", John visibly swallowed, slowly getting to his feet, "_…_so you mean to tell me that this little near death experience of yours was started all because of a Teletubbie commercial?"

This time it was the boys' turn to swallow visibly, and Sam immediately began unconsciously clenching and flexing his right hand.

"Dad, it wasn't just a-

"You'll speak when I tell you to", John stated, silencing Dean by directing a finger at him. "You turned this living room upside down, let all hell break loose for God-sake's, all for the sake of a stupid commercial and because you wouldn't admit to Sam you had a fear of Teletubbies Dean? I mean, I don't even know what the things are and already I'm starting to hate em'."

"I can't believe this! You're blaming this on me? I'm the older brother here!" Dean retorted, scandalized.

"Exactly Dean!" The elder Winchester shouted, eyes alight with irritation and disappointment. "The older brother, which means you're in charge and you're supposed to be the responsible one. Do you remember what I told you when I left the house this morning Dean?"

"I do", piped up an innocent voice.

Samuel Winchester, for all his adorable worth on the planet- had suddenly incurred the fiery glare his father now aimed at him- shrank back in fear of receiving his own well-deserved-earful.

"And Sam_…_", John began, raising an eyebrow in query, "what in the hell possessed you to provoke Dean in the first place?"

"He-paid-me-out-about-not-being-able-to-get-a-girlfriend!" The sentence flew out of Sam's mouth so fast- and so unexpectedly did _he expect_ for himself to say anything of the sort- that the younger Winchester instantly clapped a hand over his gaping mouth.

Their father stood for a moment with his hands in his pockets, staring at the embarrassed look on Sam's face, before he shook his head. "Whatever the issue is, that can stay between you boys." John averted his gaze back to Dean, "But that still doesn't change the fact that you haven't told me what caused this in the first place Dean."

"We just told you!" The older Winchester blurted out, disbelievingly.

John raised one thick eyebrow, "So you're saying that you were sitting watching T.V, and then a commercial which reminded you of Teletubbies Dean, caused you to tell Sammy that you hated them, and then that in turn caused Sammy to tell you they were 'creepy, and then you somehow managed to unearth some big secret about Sam not being able to get a girlfriend? Is that what you're saying Dean?"

The affirmative nod from his oldest son, followed by a strict; "Yes Sir", was enough to make John wanna' pull out all his hair.

"And so then after that, you 'paid Sammy out' which caused him to threaten you, then _punch you_, and then that's how_…_", John momentarily paused, looking around the room at all the mess, "_…_all of this happened?"

"Pretty much, yeah", both brother's answered in unison.

Raking a hand through his hair, John exhaled deeply, "Boys_…_"

_Oh God, I'm gonna' die…_

Sam trembled visibly, fighting the nerves in his hands to keep stock-still.

_We're screwed!_ The voice in Dean's head whined, _Well…I'm screwed._

"…Of all the lowly excuses you've ever given me in your lives, this would have to the worst, and by far the most unbelievable", John threw the last comment at Dean who frowned in annoyance, "and what's worse Dean, is the fact that you ignored every single word of command I gave you this morning. Do you remember what I told you when I left the house this morning Dean?" John _repeated_ forcibly.

The older Winchester sighed irritably, "Don't do anything stupid. Stay here", Dean dragged on the sentence irritably, "Do not for any reason open this door unlessthe devil himself knocks", John nodded in approval, "Watch him", the emphasis Dean put on the last statement made Sam glare at him angrily, "and above all, keep this house in one piece."

At the last statement, the elder and youngest Winchester half mumbled, half groaned the rest of the sentence out with Dean.

"Dean."

"Yes?"

"Did you follow my orders?"

"No Sir."

"So what do you think would be the best form of punishment for disobeying me?"

The older Winchester growled menacingly under his breath, even shooting Sam a nippy glare before answering his father's query.

"I don't know Sir."

"Each morning for the next month, the two of you will rise before four am and do laps around the house or motel, until six am or until I see fit to tell you to stop. If you have any plans of disobeying me…", John turned to face Dean, "Dean you will be on bathroom duty, and Sam", the elder Winchester turned to face his youngest son, "you will be coming on more hunts with me", the look Dean shot Sam could've curdled milk, "and that's only the first task of your punishment."

"Well what's the second?" Dean questioned in slight apprehension and interest.

"You're both going to clean this lounge room until it appears the way it was when we first arrived here", both the Winchester boys suppressed a guttural groan, "and for compensation of the broken vase and glass frame, I'll be takin' a hundred bucks outta' your' accounts."

"What?" Cried Dean, stamping one foot on the carpeted floor, "That's hard earned money dad!"

"Yeah, if you call 'Poker', 'hard earned money' Dean", laughed Sam as he crossed his arms leisurely.

The fact that their father knew that Dean gambled his money away- and won a lot of it back _and more_- and didn't even bat an eyelid still dismayed Sam even now.

"I don't believe this shit", the older Winchester cursed under his breath.

"It's comin' outta' your account Dean, and that's final." John stated sternly, "And I want you boys to apologize to each other."

"What? Why?" Dean questioned, puzzled.

"Because it's what normal people do when they've just had an argument Dean", John sighed, crossing his arms across his chest firmly.

"We're not normal people dad", Sam said seriously, pausing, "well at least I know that Dean isn't."

"Shut up", the older Winchester muttered.

"I don't hear an apology", John sang, shooting expectant looks between the two brothers.

Drooping his shoulders, Sam sighed heavily, "I'm sorry I said you had a fear of Teletubbies Dean."

Dean couldn't help but openly smirk as the last two words fell from Sam's lips, and he practically laughed out; "I'm sorry I said you weren't capable of getting a girlfriend Sammy, but by God you need my expertise help!"

The older Winchester doubled over, clutching his stomach as he cackled away like a madman.

"Ha ha, very funny Dean", Sam's shaggy head of hair jiggled as he shook his head in incredulity.

Minutes containing Dean's echoing laughter passed before both brother's straightened at the sight of their father's neutral gaze on their forms.

"Now hug", commanded John, folding his arms firmly.

"WHAT?" Both Dean and Sam cried in unity, eyes bulging out of their sockets at the oddest order their father had ever bestowed upon them.

"You heard me", said John calmly, an almost non-existent smile just barely touching his lips, "hug boys."

"Dad I am not-

Dean never got to finish his sentence before his father interrupted.

"Dean I'm giving you an order, and in this you will _not_ disobey me."

The older Winchester pouted in disgust at his father, but John's severe frown could not be removed from his heavy features, and before long Dean threw his hands up in the air and gave in. Sam however, had firmly crossed his arms and looked Dean up and down as if he wanted to spit on his brother.

"I'm not touchin' that", Sam stated matter-of-factly to John.

"Sam, this is the third punishment-

"You're damn right it's a punishment", Dean began interrupting his father in mid-sentence, "it's the worse kind there is!"

"Dean, stop overreacting, it's just a hug", Sam scolded, clearly fed up with the whole issue by now and just wanting it to be over and done with.

"Oh my God", breathed Dean, eyes widening as he stepped backwards, "you are gay!"

"Dean!"

"DEAN!"

"WHAT?" The older Winchester shouted as he swung his gaze to his right, facing his father.

"How goddamned hard is it for you to comprehend one order I give you and carry it out without insulting your brother or making a joke out of it?" John roared, throwing his hands up in the air.

"Look, no disrespect dad, but this has to be by far the weirdest order you've ever given us." Dean said calmly.

John however, turning his head left to look at Sam, frowned once his youngest son turned his head the other way and began humming inconspicuously.

"Boys_…_", the elder Winchester sighed audibly.

"Fine! I'll hug him already." Dean said as he marched up to Sam.

However, upon reaching his younger brother, Dean halted, and both brothers stood staring at one another strangely, as if the other had a strange unexplainable sickness, and it was contagious. Without a word Sam launched himself at his brother's dismayed form, and wrapped his arms so reassuringly around his brother's back that Dean couldn't help but do the same. The two stood there, for once in their life finding comfort in each other's presence _and arms_. Affection was a foreign word and notion to them, and even when there had been situations in the past which had nearly seen the other killed before their eyes, any word of console or gesture of affection was scarcely seen through. John, watching the scene before him, smiled contentedly as he hadn't done in years.

The elder Winchester quietly exited the room, that satisfied smile still curling his lips.

A few minutes passed before Dean's muffled complaint echoed in Sam's right ear, "Okay, I'm starting to feel really gay now."

"Wow you really know how to ruin the moment, don't you?" Laughed Sam, tucking his hands into his pockets.

"Yeah, but I just don't wanna' get any closer to you than I have to Sammy", Dean grinned.

"Hey Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"You didn't really admit to dad that you were scared of Teletubbies, did you?"

"No, but then neither did you Sammy."

"Yeah so?"

"So? It means I'm better than you."

"No it doesn't. And that doesn't even make any sense."

"Yes it does. But at least we know one thing."

"What?"

"Daytime T.V sucks dude."

"No it doesn't", Sam sighed, following his brother as he made his way towards the kitchen.

"Yes it does. And you're still gay."

"Dean!"

"Gay, gay, gay, gay- Owwww!"

At the sound of two heavy objects falling to the ground, John poked his head round the corner and watched as Sam, sitting on Dean's back, proceeded to tickle the hell out of him. The older Winchester immediately bucked his brother off and sent him tumbling across the floor, the two of the them rolling around _in_ the mayhem _they had_ created once Dean reached Sam.

"Cheater! Nipple cripple doesn't count!"

"Up yours Sam! Since when did you start playing fair?"

John watched on in amusement as they continued to playfully wrestle each other to a pulp, wincing every so often at the accidental touch of a cut or kick to the ribs.

"Oww, watch the cut!"

"Sorry Sammy."

"You were the one who put it there!"

"You made m- AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHH GODDAMIT SAM! These are family jewels!"

"Not no more they aren't."

"You little bitch_…_"

John simply chuckled happily and shook his head, leaving the two brothers to their own devices.

**

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****Author/Banshee Queen: "Please review my pretties!" **


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